Its so hard to find meaning in life right now. I had a purpose before, a set agenda, a goal that felt tangible and attainable. And that has all disperse. I feel like a wandering ghoul trying to search for vengeance. I just want to drop everything and explore the world. To start anew and rebuild my life back up. I have never been as close to actually doing that as I am now. Sometimes that what you have to do when your world is shattered...
These last few years has been a roller coaster of emotions. I like to feel like I evolved as a person, that I became a better human being but what have I done beside shield and guard myself from what I truly want. That I rather have momentarily allure of peace than to end the grief that hangs over me. So I changed course and I feel I have to do what I must to build myself as a new person. Sometimes, taking that first step is harder than getting to the goal.
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